Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in lovely_lisa_81's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, November 15th, 2009
6:04 pm	5 anecdotes about the Kingsway Conference. I went to the Kingsway Worship Leaders Conference in Eastbourne this weekend. After begging and nagging Mr Gray for weeks not to forget me, I scraped one of the 5 free places that had been given to him. Hurrah! (The surrounding controversy and e-mail backlash was a rather sad interlude but has hopefully been sorted now - I think it's worth mentioning on the basis of remembering not to repeat it). It was an fantastic weekend and all of us I think were incredibly blessed to be there. Lots of famous worship leaders, seminars, stuff for sale... all the usual stuff you might expect. Emma and I shared a room in the hotel opposite the venue. We all had crazy fry-up breakfast the next day...and a picnic in the car on the way home. Anecdote 1 I walked past this artist who was selling his work - he did paintings of people praising the Lord. One of the pictures jumped out at me and I thought "I've seen this picture before".... and I wondered and then just had to ask him about it. It wasn't a famously used one or anything like that, I thought it might've been used as a CD cover. He said that his work has been exhibited in lots of places - I thought ok... This morning Emma told me about this picture that she'd seen and felt that she'd really like to buy it. Funnily enough it was one and the same picture. On deciding to buy it, I disappeared and left her to it. When we met up later, she had procured his address and telephone number (having insufficient cash to pay for said painting - so intending to post it to him). When she showed me where he came from, it hit me exactly where I'd seen it before! So We passed his stall again and I said... "Do you know the stanton house?" (In Oxford - where he comes from) He grinned broadly - Yup! "Did you happen to meet a couple of American ladies there?" Yes! Hurrah, I had finally realised that this piece of art had been done by someone who had met my dear BreAnna! That was about the end of the conversation. If you're reading this Bre, it was Tim Steward. Anecdote 2 I think it's so amazing and perfectly right that sometimes a piece of godly truth from a trusted friend can be just as effective at raising your spirits as going through the emotions of a spirit-filled worship session. I'm so glad God uses so many different ways and means to talk to us. This afternoon I was feeling very anxious and emotional about something. I had a lot of mixed messages in my head and couldn't decide what the truth was. I nearly did something drastic that would have required a lot of strength and clear-mindedness. I however went to see the wonderful Mr Saunders who lets me talk and get all my words out, sees straight through me and speaks totally fairly and truly to me without making me feel like a failure/guilty. God is so good to have given me such a straight-talking but caring friend to speak to me at the right time! Thank you Jim, And Thank you God! Anecdote 3 As I approached a seminar room (that was occupied by Godfrey Birtill and 200 people waiting to be prophesied over). I happened upon a sweet old lady who was stewarding at the door (looking somewhat odd with a yellow high-viz jacket over her Laura Ashley twinset and pearls). "Can I go in?" I asked. "Oh yes, I think Geoffry Brittle is nearly finished" she replied. I wondered how many people she had been telling about Geoffry Brittle as they walked in and how many people had failed to correct her? I know that I was one of them... Anecdote 4 Gray and I seem to be beginning a slightly "competitive motoring" relationship. On the way back from CYC this summer, I kept texting the Gray car to get updates on their progress back and egging Jim to go put his foot down. On the way to Soul Survivor, we raced each other up the motorway (with various people on board), overtaking and allowing the passengers to make faces at each other. Today things took on a very charitable mood as I drew level with Gray (through the 40mph limit on the M27), Emma got them to open the windows and we successfully exchanged some of our chocolate bars for their fruit pastels. If only all drivers did that......there'd probably be a lot more accidents. Anecdote 5 Brad and I are starting a new club: Curlies against the mexicans. Turns out that as well as both having curly hair, we both dislike mexican food. Although I do like mexagne And Fajitas.... and Chilli con carne... Maybe I need to reassess the situation. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 28th, 2009
10:38 pm	Suprising youths I cycle around Portsmouth a lot these days as it helps me to save money on petrol and car-parking fares. When I want to go to Langstone or Jim and Claire's, I often go over the pedestrian railway bridge on Walmer road and cycle along through the industrial estate and behind the north stand at Fratton Park. However, it's a pretty lonely route and until today I've not risked it at night. Hernie (from my home group) was mugged down there a couple of months ago. However I was coming back from church this evening and I was feeling tired so I thought I'd risk it. I wasn't feeling particularly happy at the time and like my life was going nowhere so if I was attacked at least that'd be serving a purpose for someone else. Did I really just write that? I think it goes to show where I am that I'd believe that about myself. So I'm nearly home and just dragging my bicycle up the stairs of the foot bridge when I hear the unmistakable murmur of approaching youth. I anxiously pick up my pace and then the two young people appear at the top of the steps. A young man in his crimpline trousers and long greasy hair speeds towards me saying "Excuse me... (I am considering screaming at this point) ...would you like a hand with that?" pointing at my bike and gently taking the handles from me. I say, "no, no it's fine" and he takes no notice and takes the bike from me. His young lady friend smiles gently at him and he takes my bike all the way to the top for me. I was lamenting about the lack of chivalry a few weeks ago when it came to my bike seizing up a few weeks ago, it turns out that I need to go down dark alleys late at night to find it. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 21st, 2009
5:17 pm	"My Ex" vs "My Friend" I've recently met up for tea / breakfast with two significant former love interests (I won't say exes, as not both of them are - and "ex" is a word that spiritually speaks of brokeness / no going back - which is horrible and not part of God's plan). Sorry boys if you're reading this. Please don't feel uncomfortable! Craigy was one - I am still really really pleased (and a little bit proud) that we do have a friendship still. He is such a sweetie and though it took a long time for things to stop hurting, God has helped things to be healed between us. I hope he has forgiven me for being such a naive romantic girl yet strangely brow-beating young christian all those years ago. Well I asked him to forgive me for that - I reckon he probably does! :-) We had fun showing off our new wheels to each other and gossiping about everything as per usual! Secondly I met up with the wonderful Jon - one of the kindest men I know. He is also still a friend that I care about a lot and I was really chuffed that he took the time out of his weekend at home to meet up with me for a tea-binge! He is now a very happy man and possibly moving to be nearer to his lovely lady. Again I am really pleased to still have this wonderful person in my life and consider it a real blessing. I know I don't see you guys as much anymore, but I am so glad to have seen you recently and count you both as good friends - in fact you both make my list of men! Jim's got one... ask him :-D Thank you for your brotherly advice and hilarious commentary on life (something that I miss out on incredibly since Pete left us). You are both valued by me immensely and you make your partners proud! Lisa x x (Comment on this)
4:48 pm	Illness I think I've noticed this more over the last year but when I get poorly, I get very emotional. This began a few years ago when I had a vomiting bug at Ben and Julies and spent the entire weekend holed up in the bathroom. I remember coming home from that and watching beauty and the beast and sobbing my little heart out half way through when the beast gives Belle the Library, because the beast was just soooo wonderfully romantic and had I made a huge mistake breaking up with my then boyfriend and was I like one of the shallow blonde sisters rather than Belle?? Ah the hidden messages in disney :-D I've been poorly this week. On Monday night I had a fever and had hallucinations about all the badminton club who were hiding in my bedroom, bombarding me with shuttlecocks from behind the various bits of furniture. I spent most of Tuesday unable to move for feeling really dizzy, laying on the sofa in front of the telly and I watched the following programmes... Scrubs on E4 Scrubs on E4 Friends on E4 Poirot on itv2? Diagnosis Murder BBC2 Flog It BBC2 Eggheads BBC2 Escape to the Country BBC2 The Simpsons C4 Strictly Come Dancing - It takes two BBC2 Emmerdale (which drove me to despair!) ITV The Grime Files? ITV How to Look Good Naked - C4 7 Days on the breadline ITV 8 out of 10 Cats - Virgin 1 Shooting Stars - Virgin 1 Supersize vs Superskinny - E4 (Which did my nausea no good at all). Needless to say left me feeling pretty square-eyed, and actually really miserable. I am beginning to see how it must feel to be someone who lives alone and doesn't see anyone except perhaps their family once a week. I have hated the last few days as it's made me feel isolated, paranoid, bored, useless and thinking about the wrong things. Today my fever has died down and I'm hoping that I'll be able to go to youth later - though the idea of cycling there does not appeal in the slightest! Blogging is very self-indulgent isn't it? Maybe I ought to start a new blog that is solely about my walk with the Lord, one that points to all the brill stuff he does for me... (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 18th, 2009
5:59 pm	In MY WORTHWHILE valuable opinion... I like learning stuff. This week I have been mostly learning to value my own opinion. My opinion is somewhat underdeveloped, which is down to laziness and fear on my part. Fear - I have been afraid of giving my opinion (in some friendships that I have) because of the irrational fear that if my opinion/ideas are rejected, then I am rejected. Or that my opinion won't fit in with that of the collective (which I gather is more normal). How do people overcome rejection? Why on earth do I fear rejection even from Christian brothers and sisters? Lazy - I am also happy to be quite lazy and let some things go that I don't agree with but it's often not enough to bother me / not worth arguing about. That's probably not a bad thing! It'd be horrible to be with someone who disagreed with absolutely everything you say. Bad listener - Unfortunately (and if you know me well, you may catch me out at this) I do often zone out into my own little stream of thought and neglect to pay full attention to the conversation (in groups and one-to-one). Most of the time it's because an idea has caught hold of me. I have been told in the past that it's rude / hurtful to the other people and sinful to allow my mind to wander. What do I do about it? Is that right? Probably the worst part, it seems that I haven't valued my self and my contribution to be made to life. Sometimes my ideas are GOOD. Sometimes I am even RIGHT! :-D There's been too many times in the past when I've not stuck up for what I believe to be right, when I've been weak and like a door-mat. There's only one person whose opinion really matters anyway! What He thinks of me is a whole lot more important than what the world thinks and I want to spend time learning how to balance humility with loving Him and loving others as I love myself. Remember the episode of Red Dwarf where the boys land on a plant where they face the final judgement and it turns out that they are judged by themselves? I think I need to learn not to be so hard on myself - lest I face myself on that final day! Would love to hear if anyone has gone through something similar?? Or has any advice? (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 13th, 2009
12:16 am	Dodgy chicken I am quite poor at the moment. I haven't been paid since the end of August so I'm trying to make that last salary installment last as long as possible. Hence I am trying to eat all the food I've got at home rather than have take away (which is hard when the fantastically fatty-smelling chip shop is just 2 doors down). Today I opened up a packet of fresh chicken breasts which were still in date but which had been left next to the boiler overnight a few days ago. Katrina put them in the fridge as she knows how funny I am about food and what I will and won't eat... I gave one of them a go anyway. You know when chicken sometimes smells a little bit funny but then you cook it and it's fine really? Well, despite cooking it thoroughly and smothering it in strong black-bean sauce and garlic, it still tasted a bit "funny". Not usually being one to say grace before meals eaten alone (don't know why - I ought to), I prayed AFTER I'd eaten it, that God would cleanse the food and bless it to my body and that I wouldn't get Salmonella poisoning - or that the bacteria would pass straight through my system. Well, that was 12 hours ago and no food has involuntarily escaped out of either end of the chain! Hurrah! (Comment on this)
Monday, October 12th, 2009
11:53 pm	"Welcome to spiritual warfare"...hmmm! Someone (probably at Langstone) once preached that if you do some work for the Lord that is really effective, you can expect to be really tested for it. I've recently joined the CU at university and have talked to my elders about being the link from Langstone Church (which makes sense as I am the only one from there to be at uni). So I've been going along with the intention of being a support to the CU and to also hopefully bring a few students along to my church as well (mwahaha!). This evening, I happened to have a very very long chat with a guy who I met (with reguards to joining the music). I won't say what we talked about, but I feel that it's fair to say that we know lots about each other now. He in turn said that I have challenged him on a few things - which is very different for me as I don't tend to be much of a challenger! I like to rock the boat as little as possible. But I think God was very much behind this conversation this evening and blessed it with His words and not mine. This was then confirmed for me when I got home (very pleased and feeling really .. buzzing for want of a better word) to find that I'd lost my purse. There was of course a general feeling of "Ohhhhhhh NO" and joy-stealing as I rang the pub in a panic. They couldn't find my purse so I knew I had 2 options: 1. Consider it lost / stolen and begin the process of cancelling cards and re-ordering drivers license, etc etc (which I'd only done in May anyway). 2. Make the bike ride all the way back to my car in Milton (where I'd just come from) and check that I hadn't dropped it in the back and THEN implement option 1. Option 2 happened and blessing upon blessing for me, it was there in the footwell! I cycled home very joyfully and considered buying a Doner to celebrate.... I didn't though! I had meanwhile been MSNing the entire affair to Gray who quoted the subject line at me. I am sometimes quite glad of MSN. It enabled me to vent my feelings, and have someone pray too! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 7th, 2009
11:05 am	Kebabs, onion rings and donuts Well, yesterday I made a sweeping statement on Facebook that Sunday just gone was probably the best Sunday I'd had in years... let me explain. It began at ridiculous o'clock in the morning when I woke up after just 4 hours sleep on Stuie's bed. He was not in it by the way! Stuart is (and always will be) my brother's oldest and bestest friend and since Pete left us, he has become someone I care about a lot. We've promised each other we're going to look out for each other, take each other out for dinner to talk about the meaning of life and to help each other to never forget the good times we had when we all grew up. I'd been at a party at one of Pete's friend's house, and playing singstar with Stu's girlfriend Ali, sitting in the bathroom with Phil's boyfriend and driving Phil's car to the kebab shop with a load of drunken reprobates (including one in the boot). It had really cheered me up to spend some time with them actually as I'd had a tough day griefwise. So I had bath number 1 and had to borrow some shampoo. I had forgotten how difficult it is to wash your hair in the bath when there's no shower attachment. Followed by a safe trip to Portsmouth we had the morning service which was actually fantastic. I played drums (which I had some real encouragement from people about - which is always nice), the talk was by Steve Curtis (so full of useful facts) and best of all, there were some students who came!! Hurrah! I / We are really hoping they'll be back again next week, they both seemed really nice lads. Sunday lunch has been dwindling away for years down to just me and the Saunders now, but actually it's not such a bad thing as we've now got the opportunities to change what we do and who we eat with. This Sunday I had lunch with Gray(-ham) and Ryan. We ate the ultimate fry up (cooked in Gray's deep-fat lard bucket fryer) with onion rings and southern fries and chilli sauce... and though it may contribute to the onset of heart-disease one day, it was sooooooo delicious and very comforting food! Cheers boys! Later on, I had an opportunity (for the first time in years) to spend some time on my own on a sunday. That was a big thing for me. I like Sundays being with my friends / family. So, in order to prevent a bout of indigestion after the fried fare, I went to the gym! On a Sunday!?1? It was actually really quiet, quite a few moody looking teenagers posing around but hey. I just enjoyed using up some of my energy and releasing endorphines, it was good! THEN... I came home and had bath number 2. Contrary to the earlier bath which was out of necessity, I filled the bath up with bubbles, got my puzzle book, my i-pod, a glass of lovely chilled fruit-juice and just lay there for a good hour in the luxury. It was such a blessing!!! Just so nice to take the time to unwind - I've not had a bath like that for a long time! Ben would no doubt be extremely proud! So, feeling well fed, watered, exercised and cleansed I skipped off to church for the evening circus. And again, it was brilliant. I can't really put into words how much I love my church sometimes, but I really do. I'm so glad that God gave me that family to be part of. After the service, I gave away my donuts that I'd bought from the only co-op I know to be open at 9:00am on a Sunday morning. They were for the students that we were wondering wether we'd have (as promised on the website). As we only had 2 (and they declined to eat), I gave them out to a bunch of very grateful people. I gave the last one to a man called Ken who does the chairs, who was so delighted he gave me a hug! Again, yet another blessing of showing generosity. This probably all sounds so sickeningly goody goody. What can I say? I've just had a really rubbish time of it lately and to be able to appreciate the good things that are in my life is a fantastic step. Life is not easy, it is still painful, but there is so much to be grateful for and I can't deny that. :-) (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 29th, 2009
10:41 am	How ballroom became badminton I've been banging on for ages about how I'm going to take up ballroom dancing and I thought I'd clarify the situation. One time after Alpha did I attempt to go ballroom dancing... Upon arrival at the carefully researched venue, I realised that I still had my apron slung over my shoulder, I hadn't got any money, I didn't have any dancing shoes, I couldn't even see the entrance to class, ...and when I found it, it had a telecom entrance, which meant I had to actually TALK to people and undoubtedly show immediate commitment... So I gave up. Perhaps if I found a class that meant that I could go and watch for free and enter through a big wide gate and not have to talk to anyone, I'd consider it :-) However, when I was going through my "what shall I do on a Monday night now?" malaise, Julie Minter fatefully facebooked me and suggested joining either a volleyball, netball or badminton club. Seizing the bulls horns, we opted for Badminton and Julie found a little club very close to one of the really rough schools that I've done supply at. ...This was about 2 months ago anyway. Julie and I have been going along every week and joining in doubles matches with other people (most of whom are retired, but are none the less very spritely) and have both of us improved a lot. Julie and I usually play with an wrinkly each so that it's pretty equal. Last night after Julie went home, I played with a younger guy against 2 good wrinklies and I was so surprised that we won. This little event has now awakened the Ranft competitive streak in me and I want to do more more more. Pete was very good at Table Tennis and I can understand how when you improve at something, you want to so it more and more. He'd be so proud of me :-) This one's for you, Bruv xxxx (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 6th, 2009
11:14 pm	New room Well, it's nearly bed time. Not such an unusual occurrence given that most people have a "time" every day in which to do this. My bed time differs somewhat today in that I am settling down for sleep in my newly tidied room in Fratton. After 4 years of umming and ahhing, I've finally decided that living in Portsmouth actually beats living in Chichester. Fratton is an area of Portsmouth central to the city, it houses Fratton Park of course, home to Portsmouth Football Club and the many overpaid footballers most of whom come from Africa if I'm not mistaken (and not actually Portsmouth itself as in the good old days of yore). It also has a train station 8 minutes walk away, Asda is 10 mins away, but above all else, I've got a fish and chip / chinese take-away 2 doors down! Get in! (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 22nd, 2009
12:45 pm	Parisian food and it's consequences I had so many people tell me how much I'd enjoy going to Paris and how jealous they were but I didn't really register that too much as I wanted to make my own impression. But I had such a fabulous time seeing the sights and hogging the french cuisine with Catherine and Sarah (and their various links and connected people) that those recommendations and expressions of envy were fully justified. Me being me of course, the french food was my own particular source of joy (and emotion - yes I have been known to become teary because a pork pie was just too delicious). There are no words to express how exhilirating each new eating experience was... The most memorable was eating my first creme brulee - why have I never had one of these before??? As I was saying to one of my friends, how can I have gotten to the ripe old age of 28, never holidayed in France or been able to eat amazing french food? WHY?!!? Believe me, I shall make up for it in future. On the downside (and somewhat inevitable) my clothes are beginning to feel a bit tighter again! Have been looking into changing gyms when I start uni in September. The Portmouth Uni one has a fab deal where you can use all the machines AND have access to all the fitness classes for free for £130 per year. As opposed to £240 a year and no free fitness classes that I get at chi college... Change is on the horizon, oh yes! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 15th, 2009
9:29 pm	latest drivel There's one part of my life that has become completely impossible to control. I've got no choice but to give up trying to take things into my own hands. God is taking over totally! It's REALLY hard - but what an amazing learning curve! It's also kind of liberating too though! Feel like I've had to learn this lesson again and again... I always want to be open to learning new things, being disciplined and molded into the person I am destined to be. How horrible to be stuck in your ways, never changing or growing, never trying new things, never pushing outside of your comfort zone. I'm so glad that I am free to be who I am - a vivacious, bubbling, fallible, saintly work in progress! I recognise my blog has got very intense of late - here is some comic relief: "I may have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a concrete elephant". Queenie - Blackadder series 2 (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 20th, 2009
11:31 am	Change Wow, 3 weeks since I last updated my blog! AND...I think it's been nearly 5 weeks since I updated my facebook status. I'm so proud of myself! Downside is, I don't know much about what's going on in other people's lives. But that only makes me a better person to talk to when I see you all next time because you'll all want to know what I've been up to - and definitely vice versa! I believe that I've decided something quite firmly about my life and I really want some things to change, and one big thing in particular. I'm going to keep praying about it first but I truly believe that this thing that I want to do, will do me and some of my relationships some real good. It's going to be hard, but change is really hard. Sorry that's a bit cryptic. It's a serious decision and I don't want to treat it too lightly by blogging candidly on it. I am happy however to announce (with the usual amount of tongue in my cheek) that I'm going to take-up ballroom dancing!! Have looked up a few classes and am feeling brave enough to give it a go at least once. Quite excited but also scared of stepping on a poor unsuspecting's feet. Talking of change, yesterday I was trying to teach Orange 1 the concept of giving change using an unstructured numberline. Those poor patient little darlings were very confused by the end of it - and so was I. (Comment on this)
Friday, May 29th, 2009
9:31 am	Joy and peace! Yes! So, less blogging this week - this is mainly because the Lord has actually been filling my days with happy busy tasks for him. It has done me the world of good!!! Yesterday, I was so filled up with joy, I actually caught myself cackling again!! Amazing :-) I don't really know how this has happened but I am convinced that it is the Lord's doing. I've been singing, smiling, had more energy to do things... I'm so deliriously happy that my Godly dreams, wishes, heart's desires are being restored to me (where I had considered them lost). I am excited to be expressing myself again, and God is beginning to help grow my faith to ask for things again. He is the one who is doing this! Most of all, I'm so happy that I have a purpose and I'm really excited about what doors the Lord is going to fling open in front of me next. I know that there are always going to be times of calamity and pain ahead, but I never want to stop being obedient to the Lord again. Even when it costs me things that I think I really want, I trust Him to return them to me in HIS way and in HIS time. Oh things are always so much easier when God is in control! Why must I learn this lesson again and again! :-) (Comment on this)
Friday, May 22nd, 2009
10:32 pm	No facebook for 2 weeks - Day 5, still going strong. Having decided that I devote far too much time on it, I’ve tried really hard this week to curb the level of face-book activity. This has meant that I’ve been literally only responding to f-book messages via my e-mail account. It also means that I really don’t know what everyone’s been up to this week because I've not been reading people's walls. I’m not sure that I like it, but I know that on June 1st, I’m going to really enjoy looking at what everyone has been up to (unless I’ve spoken to them first) whilst I’ve been away from facebook. I can feel the mania still in my body, were I living in the times of Sharpe, I'd demand at once to be bled of it, at the double! It has also meant that I’m blogging much more frequently, and since only a handful of people read it anyway, I’m able to write more freely here than I would if I were writing on my facebook notes. I don’t actually link my blog to my facebook pages, that would be hideous as years ago I was far more frank than I ought to have been, especially with reguards to men. I’d be really embarrassed if for example if all the guys I have talked about in my blog (most of whom I’m now friends with on facebook) managed to identify themselves. Oh well, it’s all in the past now I suppose :-) Jim always tells me that I should never write anything that I wouldn’t want to be made public… I think that one day, there will be no stone unturned and EVERYTHING will be laid bare for all to see. There’s no point declaring all my misdeeds now, but I also know there’s no point hiding them either. In other words, I’ll write what I bloomin well want to :-)… as long as I don't reveal anyone else's secrets of course... (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 21st, 2009
4:43 pm	Not giving money to PBS My counsellor said to me today: "It seems you are so concerned that everyone else is happy, when are you ever selfish? When do you ever say 'no I'm having this / doing this' and taking care of your own needs?"... I was a bit jiggered. I tried to think of a time when I am selfish, but actually that is such a hard thing to do! Not because I'm so perfect, but I think we're inherently selfish, self-centred as humans, so much so that it's embedded into our subconscious and we don't notice our actions. We're selfish all the time! :-) You try and think of something you did today that was selfish - it's not easy! I'm more likely to register that I've done something selfless (ie maybe for someone else), perhaps because that is a real choice / effort. Don't know... My counsellor then spoke about can there be a thing as pure altruism, which got me thinking about the episode of FRIENDS when Phoebe tries to find a completely selfless good deed and gives money to PBS even though she hates them. Phoebe's donation then gets Joey on TV which makes her feel happy, thus making it a selfish good deed. Is there such a thing as a self-less good deed? Or is everything we do laced with a varying amount of motive and intentions? Well, that got me thinking anyway :-) (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 20th, 2009
5:39 pm	Green tote bag I walked through the front door into a very quiet house, mum was home in the living room, looking at a brochure for headstones - no TV on. "Where is he then?" I asked her. "Behind you" she said... There he was indeed, in a green tote bag (which looked fairly inconspicuous to the untrained eye). I rather think that the funeral directors know exactly how to cope with giving out people's ashes in a format that is as dignified and subtle and careful as possible. I couldn't help but look inside. A cardboard box that had been torn open at the top. It says RANFT on one of the side panels in capital letters, written on what looks like masking tape. The wooden casket is a golden/orangey colour. They had stuck another piece of card on top of the name plate, not sure why... Peter S Ranft At rest - 8th September 2008 Aged 25 years I didn't look for long. My mum interjected with a comment about how heavy he was when she picked him up, which made me smile. I then picked him up myself, realising that it was possibly the first time in years that I had ever done it. I think the last time was in a swimming pool in Austria in the sunshine when he was using me as the corner of a wrestling ring in order to launch himself into some kind of flying closeline move... (Comment on this)
9:43 am	Months Years ago, Pete and I were quite possessive about our stuff. We didn't have much money or toys so we would battle for ownership frequently although it's probably a phase that all children go through and nothing to do with our circumstances. My memory though has brought me to a time when Peter and I argued about who could have which months of the year. I think we agreed that I'd have July and he'd have May (our birthday months). I think I said that I wanted to have December.... he agreed, and then when I joyfully revealed my motive for wanting December (Christmas), he got really whiny / cross and wanted December for himself. Submission followed as I didn't fancy being embroiled in some kind of headlock. Which months do you want? You can't have July, that's mine. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 19th, 2009
4:54 pm	Why are my eyes leaking? The subject line of this blog is a genuine question that I apparently put to my mother aged 2 or 3, when something had happened to stimulate my lacrimal apparatus at the time (Ha - I looked that up on Wikipedia! Also men cry once a month on average and women cry 5 times a month). There was a time in my life not so long ago (probably about a year or 2) when I would find myself crying at something and then think "When was the last time I cried?" and had to think really deeply about when it was and what on earth it was about. Not the case these days. It doesn't take much and it's for a variety of different reasons. 2 or 3 times a day. It's much better than it was though - hurrah! I wonder what God was thinking when he made us to cry/shed tears when particular emotions are triggered. Did God make them for us so that we could recognise that tears are connected to how we're feeling? I wonder when Adam and Eve made the link!? It must've been amazing to be Adam and Eve and have all the fun of naming the plants and animals. If I had to name an animal, it'd be called a bum-hoot (hee hee!!) and it's special super power would be a "final solution" for wasps (emitting noxious gasses lethal only to wasps). They'd avoid getting stung themselves and would be simultaneously helping the population of lovely honey bees to flourish. Although I've just been learning about wasps - It looks like God made them with a purpose in mind. They are actually really good pest controllers...Hm! I'm not suprised - nasty things... Have just realised all the subconscious nationalistic overtones in that last paragraph - Oh dear. Shall I delete it? No, but I will say that I really don't like wasps. If a wasp stung me, I'd cry tears of anger and pain. If a bee stung me, I'd cry tears of pain, but I'd probably have a lot more sympathy for it. (Comment on this)
Monday, May 18th, 2009
2:07 pm	Burger King crown Yesterday, one of the children's group leaders at my church was wearing a crown on her head. It was made out of gold card and had a single staple in the back, I have no idea why she was wearing it - clarification of this would be helpful. It made me think about the fact that (whether I feel like I am or not) I am a child of God, which makes me like royalty. This sounds a bit cheesy, but I wondered if my crown (the heavenly one) looks like the one Bex had on her head, or like a cracker crown, or the burger king's crown, or the queens? Does anyone know any scripture on crowns? I'd like to know if I'm just talking out of the "bible in my head" (Y'know, that highly dubious text). I'd really like to know! Just another bizarre tangent... (2 Comments |Comment on this)